Everything Changes

I’m feeling very ashamed that it’s been so long since I’ve updated my blog. I kinda forgot I even had one until last night when my neighbor texted me that she landed on it after Googling something about thrift stores in Auburn. “Oh, yeah,” I thought. “I guess I should update that soon.” So here I am, and I don’t even really know where to begin. A lot has happened since July.

I’m still looking for a “real” job and applying for tons of office/admin type stuff. For now I’m working at a barbecue restaurant. It’s my first experience in the world of food service, and it’s been pretty fun so far. The pay is not great, but it’s something to keep me from being homeless.

I work with a bunch of college kids, and I have great hours. It’s close enough to my apartment to walk there, which is nice, and I enjoy the fact that it’s low stress. I go in, I do my job, I leave. As long as I show up on time and do what I’m supposed to do, there is no problem.  This is actually preferable to many better-paying “professional” jobs I’ve had in the past, where I felt like no matter what I did it was never enough. We’ve been consistently voted best barbecue and ribs in the county, and as a result of that we are pretty much always slammed, so the time goes by quickly and it’s almost never boring. A large percentage of our clientele is male, which is fun. Men tend to be easier to deal with as customers, and I get to look at hot guys of all ages almost every day. Teehee. The owners take care of the employees very well, and they are good about rewarding hard work. In general, it’s a good group of people to be around, and I am enjoying it.

If it paid more, I’d be pretty content to stay there a while. But since I need more to live on as comfortably as I would like, I’m thinking about looking for a second job until I can find something more “professional.” If that ever happens. I’m starting to lose hope after over a year of being laid off. So going back to school is an option I’m also considering. As has been my problem with school in the past, I don’t know what subject I should go back for. I’d kinda like to do psychology because I think I’d be good at it, but the thought of grad school being a necessity in terms of job options is daunting. Who knows? I’m adrift on the wind, as describes most of my years on earth thus far. Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me, “This is what you are supposed to do and would be best at. Here is how to do it. Now, go do it.” It seems like that would be better than having an endless array of choices, and an endless risk of failure, when you are as indecisive as I am. So for now I’ll just do what I’m doing. I already feel like a failure regardless.

Let’s see…in early August, I went on a super-fun beach trip with 20 or so friends down to Gulf Shores, Alabama. We were celebrating Kalli’s graduation from Auburn and rented out both sides of a duplex just a short walk from the beach. Since so many people went, we only had to pay like $50 per person plus whatever we ate and drank, so it was about the cheapest vacation I’ve ever taken. And Sean and Kalli’s brothers did their famous shrimp boil one night, and everyone feasted. I felt like we should have been drinking mead and wearing chain mail vests and braided hair crowns, such was our bacchanalia.

Sean’s band was playing one night at The Hangout (where they have a big music festival every spring that I would really like to attend. So we all went out and saw them play and danced the night away and got super drunk and smoked way too many cigarettes and had a fabulous time, followed by skinny dipping in the Gulf of Mexico and other unmentionable activities that resulted in sand in unmentionable places. See? Bacchanalia.

The Hangout.

Crucial Rhyme playing The Hangout. That’s Sean on the right with no shirt. They played a great show! Who doesn’t like live reggae at the beach?

Nick trying to dance me out of my chair.

Bubba getting his mixed drank on.

Zach, Curtis, and Casey keeping it real.

Carter on her hundredth cigarette.

The rest of the time, we laid on the beach, smoked a lot of weed, had a lot of sex, and poured alcohol down each others’ throats. Except for Jessica, who is responsible and sane and motherly and somehow manages to be really fun even though she does not participate in that type of inanity. I was expecting there to be a lot of oil and stuff at the beach left from the oil spill, but for the most part it was clean. While sitting in the surf and sifting sand through my hands, I pulled out some very small, pea-size or smaller tar balls, and the water tasted really, really bad. Like worse than ocean water usually tastes. So we will all probably end up with the same type of cancer some day, but damn it, at least we had fun at the time.

Stevie: “NICK! BEER ME!”

Jessica, Nick, and Carter on one of the many decks overlooking the ocean.

In September, I went to Auburn’s first home football game against Utah State and experienced the craziness of the student section at Jordan-Hare Stadium. Nick, Tyler, and I walked to the stadium from our apartment and got there at 9:00 am to stand in line for a while waiting for the gates to open. We got really good seats and waved our shakers and yelled “War Eagle!” at all the appropriate times and sang along to all the fight songs. I was pretty excited to finally get to see THE WAR EAGLE (her name is Nova) fly around the stadium before kick-off, and afterwards we walked up to Toomer’s Corner and watched other people roll the oaks. (We didn’t bring any toilet paper.) I am not the biggest football fan in the world, but I do enjoy a good game now and then, and being there in person was pretty damn fun. I’m glad I got to experience it and hope to go again sometime. We got really sunburned but had a marvelous time and were all smiles all day, especially after Auburn won! :)

October contained my birthday (which is also Nick’s birthday), which was…okay. I made a pretty kick-ass German chocolate cheesecake, combining our respective favorite types of cake, and decorated the apartment with balloons and streamers. I woke up to a sweet card and a goodie bag of my favorite candy and some DVDs and some Auburn face stickers from Nick on the kitchen counter. Jessica gave me flowers and a beautifully decorated cupcake and a nice card, and I also got a nice card from Carter and Mel. I would not like to discuss how old I turned. The key word is “old.”

A couple days later, my whole life changed, and the world went to shit. Though events did not conspire as dramatically as the Chinua Achebe novel of a similar title, “Things Fell Apart.” I am back to living alone again. I won’t discuss the details here, but suffice to say people can leave your life just as easily as they come into (or back into) it. Everything always changes. Disagreements can sometimes not be overcome. Emotions sometimes impede rational thought. Reality is only in your own mind. Double-standards are bullshit. That is all. October consisted of new friends coming into my life and old ones leaving it. I guess that’s the way it goes. I am very sad and depressed about the whole thing, and I feel like the happiness I had for the last year and a half has just evaporated into the atmosphere, and for no good reason (in my opinion, but that is only mine). But at least I had extreme happiness for a time, and for that I am thankful. At least I had some for a while, after a long time of feeling like I’d never feel that way again. You can probably imagine how I’m feeling about that now. Again. FML.



1 Comment

  1. Jen said,

    November 28, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Dude. You REALLY owe me an email. or a phone call. Miss you bunches.

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