Sarah and Noah Save the Animal Kingdom

The only show I ever watch on Animal Planet is The Dog Whisperer. A lot of people have questioned Cesar’s philosophy, but personally I think the man is a genius. The shit works. Otherwise, no Animal Planet for me. I cannot take the endless parade of pony-tailed girls in uniforms trying to save animals from desperate situations and/or carrying them away from certain death. I am just not that strong.

Another channel I avoid entirely is TNT. TNT is apparently in cahoots with the ASPCA or has been solely funded by them for the next year or something, because they show that damn Sarah McLachlan commercial with the sad-faced dogs (and cats) with the funerial Angel song playing over Sarah’s weird Canadian-accented pleas for your money. INCESSANTLY. The first time I saw that commercial, I cried for the next like 10 minutes. Again, people, I am NOT strong enough to be faced with stuff like this.


Don’t get me wrong, I am a proud ASPCA member. I come from a family of huge animal lovers. One of my earliest memories of my Nana is her threatening to call the ASPCA on my great-grandmother’s neighbors for mistreating their dogs. The ASPCA sends you newsletters with health tips and gives you neat stickers to put on your front door to let firefighters know there are pets to save inside. I also have a card in my wallet that will inform the paramedics (should they, God forbid, be unsuccessful at reviving me after a terrible car accident) that I have pets at home waiting for me, and in the event of my untimely death, I need them to please call this person to go over and feed them. This would also be useful for things like comas. Involuntary commitment. Rehab.

But today, I have had it with Sarah and the ASPCA, and I’ve lost another favorite channel until someone tells me they’ve stopped showing this crap. On Bravo today, I saw a holiday version of this dreaded thing. Instead of Angel, which always makes me think of JFK Jr.’s premature, unfortunate demise (for some reason), this one had Sarah singing Silent Night. I think we can all agree that this is THE SADDEST Christmas carol EVER. EVER. EVER. With O Come, O Come Emmanuel as a close second (at least for me).

As if this was not enough, the next commercial break showcased an obviously copied version of this by the World Wildlife Fund, in which Noah Wylie speaks slowly and sadly about the impending doom of polar bears due to the melting polar ice caps. They shows lots of photos similar to this one:


Okay, first of all, do you think Noah Wylie seemed like an obvious choice to anyone for this job? Sarah McLachlan and the ASPCA, I can kinda see. Noah Wylie and polar bears? Not so much. “If you won’t save the polar bears, who will?” Well, I’m guessing Noah Wylie could put a sizable dent in the problem by contributing a couple of his multi-millions or by hitting up all his rich friends. Whereas I have to sit here and be made to cry and then feel guilty on top of that because I can’t afford to give money to two different save-the-animals foundations AND Amnesty International.

I’ve had it. I’m just not strong enough. Sorry, Bravo. I’m really going to miss Mr. “If God really exists, John Travolta, what would you like to hear him say at the pearly gates?” James Lipton. And the Kathy Griffin specials.



  1. grantmasterflash said,

    January 16, 2009 at 4:39 am

    I think Cesar Millan is the man as well. Dogs do respond almost immediately when you start “dog whispering” them, as I like to call it. However, the name of that show is terrible. I avoided it for a long time because I thought it would be some new agey concept where the host gets in touch with the dog’s feelings and understands it psychically. What Cesar actually does, on the other hand, is almost so logical that you have to wonder why you didn’t think of it before.

    Just one note though: The Dog Whisperer is on the National Geographic Channel (or “NatGeo” as they’re fond of calling themself) instead of Animal Planet!

    • meggitymegs said,

      January 16, 2009 at 6:47 am

      I’m so glad to know this! Now I can watch NatGeo, just not Animal Planet! Sweet!

    • meggitymegs said,

      February 2, 2009 at 1:07 pm

      It’s all about calm assertive. Works as a life philosophy as well.

  2. brianna said,

    October 29, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    save an animal or a millon!

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