Random Pet Peeve: Noises I Can’t Make Stop

kid

My company recently moved into a new building, and while I was once plagued by too much silence in my office, I am now going crazy with all the freaking noise. A brief list:

1) Strange buzzing/squawking coming from window vicinity. Could be ducks. Could be window rattling. Could be coworker’s hearing aid. Wait, does he have a hearing aid? Maybe not. NO idea.

2) I can hear door chimes from two different businesses from my desk. Two different pitches. Blessing or curse?

3) Some interior doors don’t catch well in the frame (jam?), thus perpetual, repeated slamming. People, once or twice I can forgive. Anything beyond that and you’re just not using your brain.

4) There is that damn buzzing again! Now it sounds like muffled telephone operators.

5) People speak so loudly at the business next to us that I can hear them in my office. It sounds like a freaking high school gymtorium over there.

6) One can hear the bathroom plumbing running from anywhere in the building every time someone flushes.

7) One of the attorneys next door dips (as in chewing tobacco). What can I tell you? It’s the South. He probably spits into a Mountain Dew can also. Unfortunately the men’s room is fairly close to my office, and I can hear him harking up a lung every day. I mean, WHAT IS THAT? Are you accidentally swallowing some juice or what, man??

Update: The weird window squawking really IS birds! I saw them! I don’t know what kind, but they are big and gray and look like this:

Northern%20Mockingbird

This is a mockingbird. I have no idea if that’s what these birds are, but… Have you ever seen the movie Failure to Launch with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker? Terrible, awful movie, except for Zooey Deschanel (love her endlessly) who spends most of the film as the weird sidekick roommate being driven crazy by a mockingbird outside her bedroom window. I kinda sympathize now.

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