It Made My Day!

I really love this website, but they never seem to publish my submissions. Maybe this is because it really doesn’t take that much to make my day. Ha! So I figured I would just start posting them on my own blog instead. I was inspired because I stumbled across this picture of Calvin and Hobbes today, which was my all-time favorite cartoon as a kid. It made me laugh. Then, I was driving around town at lunch time and saw one of those human street-advertiser people — think Liberty Tax service’s Statues of Liberty at every intersection during tax season. This guy was standing out in front of some place that BUYS GOLD! He was dressed like a vato loco (think Homies miniatures from quarter machines), had in iPod earbuds, and was BREAKING IT DOWN on the side of the road, pointing to the “WE BUY GOLD” sign. I laughed out loud in the car. IMMD!

Here’s one that happened a while back. I have one coworker who is…not my favorite person in the world. My friend Jeff has nicknamed her “The Sad Lady,” due to his belief that her sad life circumstances must be what make her such a wretched person. Anyways, she was talking to our boss one day about the economic crisis and said, “I just can’t believe what is going on with Goldman Socks!”

Did I mention we work for a financial services company?

Yeah.

My boss waited until she left the room and then yelled down the hall after her, “It’s SACHS!” Delayed reaction! IMMD!

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Tasty Tuesday: Chewy Gobstoppers?!?

Leave it to your best friends to crack you up at all hours of the day…and night. I got an ecstatic call last night informing me that my friend had just bought every box of Chewy Gobstoppers at this one service station, because they are his favorite artificial fruity candy and terribly elusive…which is part of the fun of Wonka candies anyway. They are all sort of elusive. As a kid, the regular Gobstoppers were my favorite, back when I didn’t care if I broke a tooth because I didn’t have to worry about not being able to afford going to the dentist. Some of my best Saturdays were spent sprawled in my friend Alice’s floor, watching movies (or Duke basketball) and chomping hard candy. But I swear to you, I had never even heard of Chewy Gobstoppers until last night. I didn’t even know they made such a thing. And now I am on a quest! If you see them, grab some for me…and watch me turn violet, Violet!

Update: I still can’t find these here, but I was in Alabama recently visiting friends and got several boxes. They are everything I expected and more. 🙂 I’m thinking about buying a carton online.

Crafty Love! India

Last weekend I finally finished unpacking my house and got my craft/sewing room all organized. And I realized that my bedroom is in need of some serious decorating help. It’s pretty much the one room in my house with zero personality because I was more concerned with blocking all light from the windows so I could sleep than making pretty curtains or hanging art or anything. I’ve always wanted to have either a Moroccan- or Indian-themed bedroom — I even have a book on Indian decorating elements. Actually I wouldn’t mind if my whole house was decorated in that fashion. But right now it’s my bedroom that needs it the worst. So I am going to start there. I started looking for things on Etsy, but of course I found other cool things besides just home decor, so I had to share them all. I need about five more jobs!

Traditional Mehndi design hurricane candle holder
$55 by All About Henna

Guitar Strap Woven with Recycled Sari Silk and Cotton
$40 by A Spinner Weaver

Aqua-Lime Brocade Stripe Cushion
$20.50 by Behirah

Bohemian Sunset Earrings with Carnelian and Caribbean Blue Chalcedony
$29 by The Stella Blue Gallery

Elephant Parade Matted Print
$12 by Signet Studio

Random Poetry

Starvation

For two hours I sat mesmerized
listening to words about hunger
and programs progressively rustling
like grain stalks in a breeze
blown down neat rows,
watching you wait with
your forefinger gently grazing
the salted space of your nose and upper-lip,
a seedling mystery in moist blue eyes
claiming the silo-full room as your own

Soccer legs strode strongly across the stage
lit warmly like late afternoon sun streaming,
your tattoo winked and
suede soft wings battered
the walls of my stomach

Your voice ignited the void
with carefully constructed syllables
like bourbon before dinner
gripping the well of a cold glistening glass
and taunting my taste buds
with the ache of anticipation
(preheating an empty oven)
coating my helplessness
with the fragrance of warm rising dough

October 1997

Random Pet Peeve: Summer TV

Seriously, can’t they stagger seasons so there’s at least ONE good show to watch during the summer when I’m trapped inside because it’s 100 degrees out?

Random Survey…Because I’m Too Tired to Think Too Hard

How did you get one of your scars?
I have a scar on the pad of my right middle finger. When I was 3 or 4, I was hanging out with my dad in his workshop and picked up an exacto knife. Guess how I figured out the purpose of that tool?

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
Mellow Mushroom with friends and family.

How are you feeling at this moment?
Exhausted after working a 60 hour week.

How did your night go last night?
Great! Saw Toy Story 3 in 3D in the theater with my friend Jeff.

How did you do in high school?
Awesome at everything. Except Calculus.

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
I found it at Goodwill. It says “I Climbed the Great Wall.”

How old will you be at your next birthday?
32. Er, 29.

What did you do last weekend?
Um…I’m not sure I can even remember. I made a whole bunch of recycled map stationery and jewelry and posted them on Etsy. I watched some TV. I accidentally locked Birdy in the car with my keys in 100 degree heat. I slept. I went to the grocery store. I garden-sat for friends. I actually finished unpacking my house, which I have lived in now for about 2 months.

What is the most important part of your life?
I’m not sure how to answer that. I guess I would say friends/family and art/music/literature.

What would you rather be doing?
Right now I’d rather be on a kick-ass road trip or having really good sex than sitting here exhausted from working.

What did you last cry over?
I cried last week because I felt like everything was going from bad to worse and I couldn’t catch a break. And I was really upset with myself for accidentally locking Birdy in the car when it was so hot. And I was struggling with a couple of friends who were making me feel negatively.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Getting love from Birdy. Driving around and blasting music in the car. Throwing things. Cursing. Sleeping. Kind, loving, supportive words from friends. Crafting. Sitting on my patchwork quilt in the sun. Music. Feeling a sense of accomplishment.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?

Sparks/Chemistry, similar personality/interests, and humor.

What did you have for breakfast?
Homemade hash browns, my specialty.

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Haven’t we all?

Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Haven’t we all?

Have you ever been out of the country?
Yes.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
All the time.

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Not that I can recall.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Yes.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Yes. I think the last one was Harry Potter 7.

Who was the last person you saw?
My boss.

Who was the last person you texted?
Nick.

Who was the last person you hung out with?
Jeff.

Who was the last person to call you?
Margie.

Who did you last hug?
Dawn.

Who is the last person who texted you?
Nick.

Who was the last person you said “i love you” to?
My cousin Chip

Where did you last go?

Downtown

Where did you last hang out?
At my house

Do you like someone right now?
Okay, I think this is a middle school survey. But yes.

Do you think anyone likes you?
Yes.

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

No.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
My dad had a college professor whose daughter was named Maegan and they liked it. And also because it’s Scottish and we have Scottish ancestry.

If you could have one super power what would it be?
Tough one. Selective mind-reading.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
No, I think everything works out the way it’s supposed to.

If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing, what would you bring?
I hate this question. First of all, never gonna happen. Secondly, WHO could pick just one thing? But really, I guess a satellite phone.

Would you ever get back together with any of your exes if they asked you?
Probably not. Unless the laws of the universe somehow got reversed to allow for the possibility that people actually change.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Absolutely. It grows back.

Are you happy with your life right now?
Yeah, I’d say I’m happier with it overall than I have been in a long time.

Where My Comments At, Yo?

All right, people. I have like 400+ readers of my blog on any given day. YOU PEOPLE NEED TO START COMMENTING! I’m interested in you! And I”m trying to figure out why you’re interested in me! Do it. Characters welcome.

Hot Dog

Birdy beats the heat by laying directly underneath an AC vent, with her belly pressed against the cold hardwood floor. It must be rough to be black and furry in the dead of summer. She just radiates heat when she comes in from the yard. Poor girl!

Movies: Hot Tub Time Machine

Funniest movie I’ve seen in the last six months.

Anger Management: Kick Boxing

I’m having some anger issues lately. I’ve written about this in the past for humorous reasons. But I’m starting to realize that I have a lot of pent up anger and frustration about people who have disrespected me or treated me shitty. Or who continue to do so in some cases. I used to be the type of person who repressed those feelings, because I didn’t see any good reason to let it out, nor did I know how to appropriately. The people in my life who I have seen express anger in a violent, physical way, only did more harm to themselves, to me, and to the situation by doing so.

I’m still not sure I know how. More recently I’ve tried the tactic of just cutting negative people out of my life. I’ve tried the tactic of burning myself with a lighter to distract myself from the intensity of the anger. That does work, but I don’t really like scars.

I’ve reached the point where I”m going to have to try some other things out so I can release these negative feelings and be done with them. Cussing someone out only takes you so far. But sometimes you need to get in a really good zinger and THEN cut out the negativity.

In that movie “You’ve Got Mail,” Joe Fox tells Kathleen Kelly, “When you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.” I used to find that to be true. Now…not so much. Well, maybe a little. But I can’t cuss out everyone I have the desire to. After a conversation about this with Jen today, we finally figured out what I need.

I need something to which I can affix a picture of someone’s face and then kick box it. I will admit to doing this in the past with a dart board, a la Murphy Brown. But it seems that as I get older, I need something a little more physical. I need to feel like I am destroying something, but I don’t have anything I feel okay about breaking. I think I am having teen angst now that I’m in my thirties. I’m not quite sure why tears used to work, and now venting rage physically seems to be more appealing. I have an intense need to pummel things.

So it’s decided: I’m getting a punching bag. And I’m becoming a kick boxer. I mean…check out the abs on that girl in the photo! I think there are more positive benefits from this activity than I had even considered.

I am not a punching bag, people. I am AWESOME. There are boxing gloves in my future. Just you wait. I WILL KICK ASS! 🙂

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