Halloween 2010

I’m never usually much one for Halloween, but this year I’m really not. I’m sick, and I’m stuck inside without much to do. I’m missing the annual Halloween party thrown by my best friend since forever, and I’m even missing the Auburn football game because Time Warner is a bitch and won’t let me watch it online because I don’t get cable TV. Hello, the internet is why I don’t have cable. Maybe they have figured that out. Nooooooooooo!!!

When I was little I used to get strep throat all the time, and I had it one year on Halloween and was very disappointed when I couldn’t go trick-or-treating with my friends from the neighborhood. What I remembered today as a result of being sick on Halloween again was how that year when I was five or so, my friend Kerri and her little sister stopped by my house on their way home to divvy up their candy haul with me since I couldn’t go. It’s funny how one seemingly small act of kindness will stick with a person for their entire life, huh? Makes me wonder what I’ve done that has stuck with someone without me even realizing it. When I mentioned it to Kerri tonight, she said, “Hmm, we must have been really little because I’m usually very selfish with my candy.” LOL!

I’ve never been very big on dressing up or costumes. I think it’s because they’re usually really uncomfortable, and I am hard pressed to wear anything ever that feels uncomfortable. I guess that’s why they are called costumes. They are not within your personal comfort zone manner of dress. My favorite Halloween costume I ever had was in college when I went as Cruella DeVille. Basically I just wore a black slip dress with a black feather boa and a lot of eye makeup, and I put a white streak in my hair, and I even had the long cigarette holder. It was my favorite because it wasn’t that uncomfortable, didn’t require many props, and everyone got it. In fact, that was probably the last time I actually wore a Halloween costume. I don’t get out much now that I’m old.

Speaking of costumes, my hairdresser is a closet hippie and loves all my clothes. She complimented the patchwork pants I wore to my last appointment, and we had a whole conversation about how she looks for cool hippie clothes whenever she goes to Asheville but everything there is so expensive. (The pants I was wearing that day I got on sale in Asheville for like $40. ON SALE!) Today I saw her randomly in public (wearing a hoodie and hemp pants), and she was loving on Birdy and telling her how her mama has cool clothes. It made me laugh, because it’s very possible no one has EVER said that to or about me. Particularly since I’ve lived here, in a town where hippies are an anomaly.

In Asheville, I used to get compliments on my random vintage t-shirts. Most of them were stolen from my dad and were from his college days, which made them even cooler because they were actually old. I had a vintage White Sox shirt he stole from his sister, who stole it from one of her college boyfriends, and I used to get hit on so much in college due to that shirt. One of my old college roommates was even inspired to start a vintage-look baby clothing line because of it. It was because of a vintage guitar shop shirt from a particular town that I met my college boyfriend, who had family there and had been to the place. I had a more common one that said, “I Climbed the Great Wall” with a graphic of the Great Wall of China, and it always shocked me that guys would hit on me because I was wearing a shirt they themselves owned. Conversation starter, I guess. But weird that now no one hits on me unless I’m wearing socially acceptable trendy female clothing. Which makes me just hate the people who do it because at that point they’re not even hitting on me, they’re hitting on my clothes. Which tells me they are way too superficial for my taste, and they’re gonna be WAY disappointed to learn that I’m wearing a costume essentially, once I get home and put on my hemp drawstrings.

Here, I get looks of bafflement that I’m not wearing Ann Taylor or skinny-leg jeans or whatever it is that is “in style” nowadays. I never know. Obviously, as I’m still wearing the same t-shirts and boot-leg jeans I wore in college and parading around a conservative Southern town in hippie garb like hemp pants for God’s sake at the REGULAR grocery store and not at Whole Foods. But when a guy flirts with me when I’m wearing hemp or patchworks, he’s going to have a much better chance at getting the number than when I’m in “drag.”

I’m a rebel, I tell you. Maybe I just figured out my next Halloween costume. And I don’t even have to dress up! Perfect. “Oh, look! She’s a hippie!” “Oh, no, that’s just Maegan.”

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Good Lyrics: We Belong

Posting this will probably date me very unfortunately. This song was on my first favorite pop music album, around age 5, because my older (and way cooler) big-girl neighbors were all listening to it. I was the youngest initiate in that first neighborhood circle of friends. Also attributed to their influence is a story my cousin likes to tell at holiday family gatherings about me running outside the house (around the same age) wearing a white lace glove and screaming, “Madonna’s on MTV! Madonna’s on MTV!” And when everyone came to see what I was being so spastic about, they saw the “Like a Virgin” video. I”m positive I had no idea what she was singing about, but I did know — because of the neighbor girls — that Madonna was cool and I should like her. LOL. Anyway, Pat Benatar was my first pop love. This song actually still speaks to me, 25+ years later, and it’s speaking to me in particular today. Heard it on the radio while driving home on a road trip and contemplating the trip’s events, and realized that it pretty much sums things up.

We Belong
by Pat Benatar

We Belong, We Belong to the light
Many times I’ve tried to tell you
Many times I’ve cried alone
Always I’m surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Don’t want to leave you really
I’ve invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind

CHORUS:
We Belong to the light
We Belong to the thunder
We Belong to the sound of the words
We’ve both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We Belong, We Belong
We Belong together

Maybe it’s a sign of weakness
When I don’t know what to say
Maybe I just wouldn’t know
What to do with my strength anyway
Have we become a habit
Do we distort the facts
Now there’s no looking forward
Now there’s no turning back
When you say

CHORUS

Close your eyes and try to sleep now
Close your eyes and try to dream
Clear your mind and do your best
To try and wash the palette clean
We can’t begin to know it
How much we really care
I hear your voice inside me
I see your face everywhere
Still you say

CHORUS

Football for Dummies (And by dummies I mean girls.)

Two of my best friends are huge Auburn football fans — one because he goes to school there and the other because he wishes he did. After spending a lot of time with them recently, I’ve gotten thrown onto the SEC football bandwagon. I have never been a big football fan, even though I never missed a single game in high school, because I’ve never understood it too well. I’ve been to countless Superbowl parties where I was like, “Where’s the food?” Because I couldn’t care less about the game. And professional sports are so much less interesting than college anyway. Pro players are lazy and slow. They are already making millions. College players work hard because they’re trying to get there.

Not to mention, the Carolina Panthers, which is the team I would pull for based on my location, never makes it that far. And how do you pick a pro team otherwise? I feel no connection to any other area, so what are you gonna do? Maybe the Steelers just because I have great friends who are from and live in the Pittsburgh area and are huge fans. Otherwise, it’s really based on who your friends like. Right?

Anyway, the boys are all about answering all my dumb girly questions about how it works, and it’s not like I’m playing dumb to get attention. I really actually want to understand it, because it seems to be so much fun to them and I feel like I”m missing out. Some of the best tips they’ve given me are as follows.

Me: I can never tell who has the ball.
Them: Watch the team to the right of the scrimmage line and then watch the quarterback after the snap.
*I should probably note here that this was three games after I said, “How do they get those lines drawn on the field so fast and then take them away?” Obviously, the last time I was watching football with any interest was before this new amazing technology was invented.*

Me: So there are four downs and then the other team gets the ball, right? When and why do they punt?
Them: They punt on the fourth down to get the ball as far away as possible so that when the other team gets the ball they have to start their downs way far away.

Common sense tells a person what an interception or a fumble is. I get that much. I now at least get the concept of downs and the fact that they represent four tries to reach a touchdown, and the number following the X Down and ___ means that’s what yard line they’re at. Incomplete means when they try to pass it and no one catches it. As for all that other stuff, like off sides and what have you, I don’t really get that. But I don’t think I really need to.

That, my friends, is all you really need to know about football to enjoy watching a game if you have a team you are passionate about. As I said, Auburn is my team now because of my buddies. Which is cool because they are way better than any ACC teams that people around here root for. As my buddies say, SEC sets the standard.ย  Also, Auburn is awesome because they have a great student section at home games (also the reason I became a big Duke basketball fan back in the day), they have unique chants and cries, and their current quarterback, Cam Newton, is freaking amazing and can run an effortless 40 yards for a touchdown like it’s a leisurely stroll in the park. His calves are the size of small Russian cars. He breezes up the field like it is nothing, and so far this season they’re undefeated largely because of him.

And then there’s the whole War Eagle thing — their mascot is the Tigers but they also have an actual eagle that flies around the stadium, and the battle cry is “War Damn Eagle!” When you are out in public and wearing anything Auburn related, another fan or alum will see it and say, “War Eagle!” in greeting. The appropriate response to that is either “War Eagle!” Or “War Damn Eagle!” As in, I acknowledge you as a member of the club. It’s like a secret handshake. I love that. This only happens very occasionally around here when I wear my Auburn shirt that they gave me so I could truly represent (lol), but when I’m in Atlanta it’s much more frequent due to the proximity to Auburn. There are more fans and alums down that way than here for sure. Either way, any time it happens I get a little thrill like I’m a member of a secret club.

Anyways, today was the first game I watched alone and really understood. Even though I texted a couple questions here and there to my buddies in Alabama. But I was actually pretty proud of myself for following it as well as I did and having the correct reactions at the correct times. LOL. Luckily they think it’s kinda cute to explain stuff to the girl who doesn’t quite understand but is trying so hard. ๐Ÿ˜‰ And it was a good, close game against LSU who was #6 to Auburn’s #5 in the SEC rankings. Tied at halftime, and Auburn really had to pull it out in the fourth quarter for the win.

See? Do I sound like a real football fan now? LMAO!

P.S. Cam Newton is totally hot. So there’s my girly take on it. Good thing he’s eligible for one more season before he goes pro. ๐Ÿ™‚ Man, I can’t wait to go to a home game in person. Apparently tickets are really expensive, which sucks. One day I will be able to afford it, I KNOW!

Movies: Holy Rollers & The Cove

A testament to the types of random-ass movies I watch.

Based on a true story about a Hasidic Jew Ecstasy smuggling ring. Yes, random. Watched it because I like Jesse Eisenberg and I think he’s cute, inย  a nerdy sort of way. An okay film.

If you don’t watch any other movie this year, it should be this one. Best documentary I have EVER seen, and I watch a lot of documentaries. About dolphin slaughter in Japan. Doesn”t sound very interesting, but believe me, this movie is ENTHRALLING. I am not the world’s biggest emotional fruitcake about animal rights, but this movie made me cry my eyes out. I definitely will watch this again.

Good Lyrics: Dancing Nancies

Dancing Nancies
by Dave Matthews Band

Could I have been
A parking lot attendant
Could I have been
A millionaire in Bel Air
Could I have been lost somewhere in Paris
Could I have been
Your little brother
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone

He stands, touch his hair, his shoes untied
Tongue-gaping stare
Could I have been a magnet for money?
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Twenty-three and so tired of life
Such a shame to throw it all away
The images grow darker still
Could I have been anyone other than me?
Then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What’s the use in worrying, what’s the use in hurrying
Turn, turn, we almost become dizzy

I am who I am who I am, who am I?
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Sing and dance I’ll play for you tonight
The thrill of it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I’ll work it out
Then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What’s the use in worrying, what’s the use in hurrying
Turn, turn, we almost become dizzy

Falling out of a world of lies
Could I have been a dancing nancy
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Good Lyrics: No Love

You gotta pay attention to the lyrics. If you don’t get why this song is awesome despite the offensive language, you need to email me so I can explain it to you.

No Love
by Eminem featuring Lil’ Wayne

Throw dirt on me and grow a wild flower
But it’s fuck the world, get a child out her
Yeah, my life a bitch, but you know nothing ’bout her
Been to hell and back, I can show you vouchers

I’m rollin’ sweets, I’m smoking sour
Married to the game, but she broke her vows
That’s why my bars are full of broken bottles
And my night stands are full of open bibles

Ugh I think about more then I forget
But I don’t go around fire expectin’ not to sweat
And these niggas know I lay ’em down, make you beg
Bitches try to kick me while I’m down, I break your leg

Money out-weighing problems on the triple-beam
I’m sticking to the script, you niggas skipping scenes
Ugh be good or be good at it,
Fucking right, I got my gun, semi carter-matic

Yeah, put they dick in they mouth
So I guess its fuck with they say
I’m high as a bitch, up up and away
Man, I’ll come down in a couple of days

Okay, you want me up in the cage
Then I’ll come out in beast mode
I got this world stuck in a safe
Combination is the G code

It’s Weezy, motha-fucka, blood gang
And I’m in bleed mode
All about my door
But I don’t even check the peep hole

So you can keep knocking
But won’t knock me down
No love lost
No love found

It’s a little too late to say that you’re sorry now
You kicked me when I was down
But what you say just don’t hurt me
It don’t hurt me no more
That’s right, and I don’t need you
Don’t wanna see you
Bitch, you get no love

You showed me nothing but hate
You ran me into the ground
But what comes around goes around
And you don’t hurt me
You don’t hurt me no more
That’s right, and I don’t need you
Don’t wanna see you
Bitch, you get no love

I’m alive again, more alive than I have been
In my whole entire life I can
See these people’s ears perk up as I begin
A spaz with a pin, I’m a little bit sicker than most
Shit’s gonna get thick again
They say the competition is stiff
But I get a hard dick from this shit
Now I stick it in

I ain’t ever giving in again
Caution to the wind
Complete freedom
Look at these rappers, how I treat them
So why the fuck would I join them when I beat them?
They call me a freak cause I like to spit on these pussies before I eat them
Man, get these whack cock suckers offstage
Where the fuck is Kanye when you need him?

Snatch the mic from them
Bitch I’mma let you finish in a minute
Yeah, that rap was tight, but um
Ruckus got the greatest verse of all time
So you might wanna go back to the lab tonight, and um
Scribble out them rhymes you was gonna spit
And start over from scratch and write new ones
But I’m afraid it ain’t gonna make no difference
When I rip the shades and tear it in half tonight

It’s an adrenaline rush, you feel the bass thump
From the place all the way to the parking lot fellow
Set fire to the mic and ignite the crowd
You can see the sparks from hot metal
Cold-hearted from the day I Bogarted the game I soul started
A rock fellow and I’m not even in my harshest
You can still get roasted, cause Marshal’s not mellow

So on top, fill it from the top, I’m not gonna stop ’em
Standing on my Monopoly board
That’s means I’m on top of my game
And it don’t stop til my hip don’t hop anymore
When you’re so good that you can’t say it
Cause it ain’t even cool for you to sound cocky anymore
People just get sick cause you spit these fools
Can’t drool or dribble a drop anymore

And you can never break my stride
You never slowed the momentum
At any moment I’m about to blow
You never take my pride,
I’m killing the flow, slow venom,
And any opponent is getting no mercy,
Mark my words
Ain’t letting up, relentless, I smell blood
I don’t give a fuck
Keep giving them hell
Where was you when I fell
And needed help up?
You get no love

It’s a little too late to say that you’re sorry now
You kicked me when I was down,
But what you say just don’t hurt me
It don’t hurt me no more
That’s right, and I don’t need you
Don’t wanna see you
Bitch, you get no love

You showed me nothing but hate
You ran me into the ground
But what comes around goes around
And you don’t hurt me
You don’t hurt me no more
That’s right, and I don’t need you
Don’t wanna see you
Bitch, you get no love
And I don’t need ya
Bitch, you get no love

Birthdays, Phish, Traveling

I’ve been taking advantage of my recent forced unemployment by traveling a lot — something I love to do but never seem to have time for. It’s lovely not to have an excuse to stay home now. Traveling is one of the things I love most about life, even if it’s not very far away. Lately I’ve been reminded that I haven’t been doing nearly enough of it in a while.

So last week I had a birthday…the 3rd anniversary of my 29th birthday to be exact. Ha! My friend Jeff took me out for a kick-ass Japanese dinner and gave me a beautiful silver initial necklace that I love (it looks like a wax seal), and we watched the new Robin Hood movie with Russell Crowe — one of my favorite stories and kind of Jeff since he had already seen it.

I went back to my hometown for a few days to visit with my family and friends. I got to see my goddaughter for the first time since she came home from the hospital, and she is already looking more like her dad and acting more like her mom. My mom makes me a birthday cake every year, and usually I choose coconut, because she makes the world’s best coconut cakes. This is also my dad’s birthday cake of choice. But this year things were a little rushed so I opted for something easier for my poor mama — a heath bar chocolate sheet cake. It was fabulous. My cousins, grandmother, and aunt came over for pizza and cake, and it was so nice to hang out with them since we only see each other two or three times a year.

This is the first year in history I’ve felt completely ambivalent about my birthday and didn’t even really care about celebrating it at all. I feel so old. I know that’s silly to say. In the grand scheme of things I’m not old, and age is just a number anyway. I suppose I feel a bit down because now that I am “in my thirties” my life is not at all where I imagined it would or should be by now. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But at times I do feel like quite a failure. I have been reminding myself for years that everyone has their own time line, but I still have trouble believing that to the fullest extent rather than feeling like it’s a cop out, or an excuse I’m making for why my life sucks.

But when it comes to maturity, I don’t feel old AT ALL. I have friends who are 10 years younger than me that I completely relate to, and I’m not sure that’s such a good thing, but it is what it is. I feel like there are two distinct sides to me — one that is very mature and wise beyond her years, who is fairly responsible and shit, and another side that is still a kid and just wants to have fun, party, break all the rules and be rebellious and live it up while I am still unencumbered by attachments and responsibilities. Maybe that’s why my mom says people don’t really become adults until they have children. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t want children. LOL. But seriously? When I’m not at least aware of current pop music, I feel like a geezer, and my younger friends keep me in the loop. Pop music is like my crack — I’m so ashamed that I like it but I can’t quit. (Luckily, I listen to lots of “good” music also.) And when I hang out with them, I still have to say, “Wait, who is this?” every five seconds. Anyway, enough about being old.

I’m really excited about this coming weekend because I get to do some more traveling to Charleston with my friend Swampman for Phish! We are only going to one of the two shows because he (fortunately) still has a job to go to on Friday, but Saturday will be amazing with communing with fellow Phans and camping and hiking in Congaree National Park. Swamp and I don’t go anywhere we can’t incorporate a camping/hiking excursion. Also promise a post on that after the fact. With pictures.

Good Lyrics: Spacebound

Spacebound
by Eminem

We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn’t much
But it’s enough to make me wonder what’s in store for us
It’s lust, it’s torturous, you must be a sorceress
Cause you just did the impossible, gained my trust
Don’t play games, it’ll be dangerous if you fuck me over
Cause if I get burnt, I’ma show you what it’s like to hurt
Cause I’ve been treated like dirt before you
And love is “evol” – spell it backwards, I’ll show ya

Nobody knows me, I’m cold, walk down this road all alone
It’s no one’s fault but my own, it’s the path I’ve chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever, so
Don’t ask me why I have no love for these mother fucking hoes

Blood-sucking succubuses, what the fuck is up with this?
I’ve tried in this department, but I ain’t had no luck with this
It sucks, but it’s exactly what I thought it would be like trying to start over
I’ve got a hole in my heart from some kind of emotional roller-coaster
Something I won’t go on til you toy with my emotions, ho it’s over
It’s like an explosion every time I hold you, wasn’t joking when I told you
You take my breath away, you’re a supernova
And I’m a…

(Chorus)

I’m a space-bound rocket ship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

(Verse 2)

I’ll do whatever it takes, when I’m with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain’t with you, I have zero strength
There’s no limit on how far I would go, no boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we think’s
Gonna be that one and then once we get ’em, it’s never the same
You want ’em when they don’t want you, soon as they do, feelings change
It’s not a contest and I ain’t on no conquest for no mate
I wasn’t looking when I stumbled onto you, musta been fate
But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take, let’s cut to the chase
‘Fore the door shuts in your face, promise me if I cave in and break
And leave myself open that I won’t be making a mistake
Cause I’m a

(Chorus)

I’m a space-bound rocket ship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

(Verse 3)

So after a year and 6 months, it’s no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to God
I’ll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I’m pleading, I’m trying to stop you from leaving
You won’t even listen, so fuck it, I’m trying to stop you from breathing
I put both hands on your throat, I sit on top of you, squeezing
Til’ I snap your neck like a Popsicle stick, ain’t a possible reason
I can think of to let you walk up out this house and let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks, then I let you go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple, I told you this

(Bridge)

And I would’ve done anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it’s over now, it’s too late to save our
Love
Just promise me you’ll think of me
Every time you look up in the sky and see a star
Cuz I’m a

(Chorus)

I’m a space-bound rocket ship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aiming right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles and a clear night in June
And I’m so lost without you
Without you
Without you