Pet Peeves of the Day

Illegible captchas. Seriously, WHAT is the point of human verification methods that real humans cannot decipher???

The word “caveat.” I don’t know why I don’t like it. I think it’s overused, and people generally use it only to make themselves sound smart.

People who make frustrated noises from another room loud enough for you to hear because they want you to say something. If you need to vent, just tell me. I don’t mind listening. But don’t be all passive aggressive and make me ask.

Receiving the same email announcement multiple times in one day. I saw it the first time!

When my boss forwards me email announcements even though I’ve told him multiple times I get those too.

People who continually misspell my name even though they see it in their email inbox multiple times a day.

People who have joint Facebook accounts with their spouse or partner. You are not ONE PERSON!

The neighborhood hooligans who insist on leaving their fast food wrappers in the ditch by my mailbox all the time.

Verizon’s new policy of charging $2.00 per 411 call. Do you think I’d use that service in the first place if I had any other option?

The fact that in order to ship something to Switzerland it costs me less than $3.00, but God forbid I want a tracking number to make sure the second shipment doesn’t get lost/stolen like the first one, it’s $30.00.

The fact that my 10-year clean driving record counts for absolutely nothing the one time I roll through a stop sign because I think I might be late for work, with no other cars in sight and the fear of what might happen if I no longer have a job to be late for. Because one day out of thousands I forget to push the button on my alarm clock over to the “set” position.

As Jenny remarked recently, the phrase, “point person.” Stupid professional lingo. Similarly hated is “price point.” As if the word “price” does not suffice.

The fact that Facebook doesn’t separate my “likes” from my “friends.” I am not friends with flip flops. I like them, but I don’t want them on my friend list.

People who email me with supposedly crucial issues and then fail to get back to me for weeks.

The fact that my boss finds it simpler to have me waste 45 minutes at the Post Office trying to ship a package to his sister in England, when he could have just ordered her kids some clothes online and had it shipped directly, probably at a lower “PRICE POINT.” Note to self: don’t try to save yourself time by filling out a customs form in advance. Invariably, whichever one you choose will be wrong. Even if it was right the last time.

Thank you, and good night.


Random Pet Peeve: Summer TV

Seriously, can’t they stagger seasons so there’s at least ONE good show to watch during the summer when I’m trapped inside because it’s 100 degrees out?

Random Pet Peeve: Attention Whores

I’m not sure I even need to expand on that.

Some of Life’s Questions

Who wrote Sarah Palin’s memoir for her, since she can’t even form a coherent sentence? And why is it called Going Rogue? What has she “gone rogue” from, exactly? Earth?

Why do I only think Johnny Depp is hot when he’s dressed as a lunatic pirate with dreadlocks?

How come high school kids can still get someone to buy them wine coolers, and yet it is now illegal for me (considerably older than that) to buy myself a freaking pack of clove cigarettes?

If Britney Spears is apparently saving herself so much money by shopping at Target, can’t she hire a stylist already?

Why are the shaving razor refill cartridges locked up at the drug store? It’s not the most expensive thing in the store, nor can I see a particularly good reason for someone wanting to purchase (or steal) a whole bunch of them. “Sorry for the inconvenience?” The only purpose of that is to inconvenience me.

Random Pet Peeves


1. Fake tanner. As long as these products have been on the market, you would think someone could invent one that actually worked the way it’s supposed to. In my opinion, they are worse now than when they first came out so many years ago. I’ve tried the lotions, the sprays, the micromists, the towelettes — you name it. I can’t get a single one to go on evenly, and they all make me look like a streaky oompa loompa. Fortunately they don’t smell as weird as they used to, but what good is that when you look like you’re just dirty and splotchy? Orange is NOWHERE NEAR my actual skin color. So when they say “two to three shades darker than you natural skin tone,” on me that means, “You will look like an alien from the planet Tangerine Soilpax.” I keep trying them, and I keep getting disappointed. And I don’t want to spend department store cosmetics prices. I don’t care if tanning beds are carcinogenic now (well, officially anyway — I think we’ve known that for years). If I ever decide my pasty skin is too pasty again, I’m going to the salon. At least I’d save money on all the products I buy and use once. Oh, and just so you know, the L’Oreal brand fake ones are the most orange of them all. I really actually liked the Neutrogena Micromist, but it washed off in the first shower I took after applying it. The color and smell were both better, though. Too bad it didn’t work.

stare copy

2. Unfriendly neighbors. Seriously, what is so hard about smiling and just generally being nice to people? I have this one neighbor who moved in around the same time I did, and we are completely aware of each other and have never spoken. He runs all the time and seems to not have any friends. At least, no one ever appears to visit him. Whenever we make eye contact, I try to smile and start to say hello. Number one, if we do make eye contact, he’s looking at me out of the corner of his eye, suspiciously — won’t even turn his head! So I try to be friendly, and he jerks his head away and ignores me. Most of the time, I don’t give a &^%$, but sometimes it really makes me angry. Like yesterday morning when I was up early and out walking Birdy, in a very good mood and starting my day off really well. And then BOOM! Some people seem to just carry negativity around with them.


3. Mosquitoes. I know it’s kind of just that time of year, where mosquitoes are everywhere and unavoidable. My friend Swamp is convinced there’s something that’s attracting them (yeah — ME). While repotting my big palm tree over the weekend, he discovered half a bag of potting soil that had been rained in and was sort of liquified. He said, “This is definitely where all the mosquitoes are coming from!” Since disposing of the bag, I have not really noticed an improvement. In fact, it’s worse right now than it has been all summer. And I had the same problem last summer, and there was nothing outside that could have really attracted or bred them. They just zero in on me. I have the big kind of bites that are itching through my clothes. I use bug spray. I burn incense. I try to wear as much clothing as possible, which means another type of discomfort to endure, sitting outside wearing long-sleeves in August. I need help! I can’t take it anymore! It’s such a conditioned response that as soon as I sit down outside, I start itching all over, even before I get bitten.

Random Pet Peeve: Noises I Can’t Make Stop


My company recently moved into a new building, and while I was once plagued by too much silence in my office, I am now going crazy with all the freaking noise. A brief list:

1) Strange buzzing/squawking coming from window vicinity. Could be ducks. Could be window rattling. Could be coworker’s hearing aid. Wait, does he have a hearing aid? Maybe not. NO idea.

2) I can hear door chimes from two different businesses from my desk. Two different pitches. Blessing or curse?

3) Some interior doors don’t catch well in the frame (jam?), thus perpetual, repeated slamming. People, once or twice I can forgive. Anything beyond that and you’re just not using your brain.

4) There is that damn buzzing again! Now it sounds like muffled telephone operators.

5) People speak so loudly at the business next to us that I can hear them in my office. It sounds like a freaking high school gymtorium over there.

6) One can hear the bathroom plumbing running from anywhere in the building every time someone flushes.

7) One of the attorneys next door dips (as in chewing tobacco). What can I tell you? It’s the South. He probably spits into a Mountain Dew can also. Unfortunately the men’s room is fairly close to my office, and I can hear him harking up a lung every day. I mean, WHAT IS THAT? Are you accidentally swallowing some juice or what, man??

Update: The weird window squawking really IS birds! I saw them! I don’t know what kind, but they are big and gray and look like this:


This is a mockingbird. I have no idea if that’s what these birds are, but… Have you ever seen the movie Failure to Launch with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker? Terrible, awful movie, except for Zooey Deschanel (love her endlessly) who spends most of the film as the weird sidekick roommate being driven crazy by a mockingbird outside her bedroom window. I kinda sympathize now.

Random Pet Peeve(s)


People who drive cars that look like police cars but are not. Why would you want to do that? Why?

HBO Inauguration

Also, Beyonce. Look, I can take five notes and repeat them incessantly in a whiny voice, too. But I don’t call it music when I do that. By the way — nice hair, B.

And finally, micromanagement.


Thank you, and goodnight.